Especially if you live in the Pacific Northwest like we do, you might be noticing that the dark is back. For many of us, our instinct is to resist. We want the light back! We want to keep going at the same pace as summer, we want the same energy, the same productivity, the same long evenings and full calendars. But nature doesn't really work that way.
We aren't separate from the seasons
There is something deeply human about wanting to resist change. We do this internally, too. We resist difficult emotions, push away parts of ourselves we don’t like. We try to stop feeling anxious, or criticize ourselves for feeling tired.
What if we could learn to work with what is happening instead?
Autumn invites a different pace. The natural world doesn't apologize for slowing down. Trees don't look at their changing leaves and think, I really need to get it together.
They don't fight the season. They adapt to it, and release the trappings of the previous season. They conserve energy and prepare for the cold ahead.
There is something worth noticing there. Our culture often tells us that slowing down means we're falling behind, but slowing down can also be a form of listening. It can give us an opportunity to notice what our bodies, minds, and emotions have been trying to tell us.
Maybe you're tired. Have you recently outgrown something that you’re still holding onto? Is there a part of you asking for attention? Maybe you've been moving so quickly that you haven't had the space to notice.
IFS and the practice of working with, rather than against
This idea is one of the things I love about Internal Family Systems. IFS encourages us to approach our internal world with curiosity rather than judgment.
Instead of thinking, I need to get rid of my anxiety, we might ask, What is this anxious part trying to tell me?
Instead of I shouldn't feel this way, we might ask, What would happen if I made room for this feeling?
This doesn't mean we have to accept every thought or behavior as healthy, or let it steer our ship. Let’s be clear: acceptance isn't the same as resignation. It just means we are willing to turn toward ourselves rather than immediately pushing some part of us away.
What are you fighting right now?
As the season changes, it might be worth asking yourself:
What am I resisting?
What am I trying desperately to keep the same?
What feeling am I trying not to feel?
What part of me is having a hard time with change?
What might happen if I stopped fighting that part long enough to listen?
You don't need to have an immediate answer. Sometimes curiosity is enough to begin.
Maybe the part of you that doesn't want to slow down is afraid you'll lose momentum, is grieving something, or fears the unknown. Maybe you’re dreading the holidays, or the cold, or getting a winter cold. You can meet those parts with compassion.
We tend to talk about darkness as something negative, but darkness has its own purpose. It creates space for rest and stillness. There are seasons of life when we need to be outward-facing and active, but we’ll enjoy them less without the seasons in which we have the time and space to turn inward.
Neither is inherently better, and you probably have your preference. The invitation is to notice which season you're actually in.
Let yourself change with the season
Can you turn the changing season into a fun game? What is the cold season telling you?
Sleep more
Listen and intake more than you create and output
Spend more time with people who make you feel like yourself
Release something that you’ve been carrying
Accept that a part of you wants something new
The season is changing. Maybe you can, too! And maybe that's not something to be afraid of.
