Struggling with a Decision? How IFS Can Help
If you’ve ever felt stuck between two options, you might be torn between what you want and what you should do. And you’re not alone. Decision making can be especially challenging when different parts of us hold competing priorities. For BIPOC folks, these decisions often carry even more weight, influenced by cultural expectations, systemic pressures, and the need to balance personal authenticity with survival in environments that may not always feel safe.
At MINDplexcity, we are kind of obsessed with Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, and it just so happens that this modality can be pretty useful when it comes to decision making. Best of all, you can use these IFS tools on your own, though of course, working with a therapist is always a great idea.
Rather than treating indecision as a flaw, IFS helps us understand it as a dialogue among your many parts, each trying to protect us in its own way.
Why Do I Have Trouble Making Decisions in the First Place?
Indecision isn’t about not knowing what to do. It’s about multiple voices, or parts of you, having strong opinions. Who do you listen to?
One part might say, “take the new job! It sounds like something we’re interested in!”
Another part might say, “wait, it feels safer and more stable to keep the one we have.”
And another part might be whispering, “you’ll disappoint people no matter which you choose.”
For BIPOC folks, these voices may also carry the echoes of racial trauma, generational expectations, or internalized criticism. Decisions stop being about the choice itself and start feeling like a referendum on self-worth, belonging, or safety.
No WONDER it’s so hard to make decisions sometimes!
Go Ahead and Let Your Voices Speak.
IFS shifts decision making from a battle into a conversation. What if you stopped trying to silence or override these voices, and instead gave each voice the floor for a moment?
Stay curious.
Instead of casting judgement on a part by calling it irrational or negative, we could as, “what is this part protecting me from?”
Unblend.
By noticing that we are with a part, not taken over by it, we create space for Self—the calm, centered, compassionate core of who we are—to lead the decision.
Honor intentions.
Every part has a positive purpose, even if its strategy is painful (like procrastination or harsh self-criticism). Naming this intention softens inner conflict.
Self Energy = Clarity
The Self is the “wise leader” inside each of us. When Self is present, decisions feel less frantic and more grounded. Clarity doesn’t mean the choice will be easy, but it does mean the process feels calmer and less pressured.
An IFS-informed decision making process might sound like:
“I hear my ambitious part wanting me to take the leap.”
“I see my cautious part trying to protect me from risk.”
“From Self, I can thank them both and ask: what aligns with my long-term well-being?”
Practical Steps to Try
Here are a few ways to bring IFS tools into your next decision:
Pause and notice – Write down the different “voices” you hear about the decision. Label them as parts, not as your whole identity.
Get curious – Ask each part what it fears might happen if its advice isn’t followed.
Invite balance – Acknowledge the positive intention behind each perspective.
Return to Self – Before deciding, ground yourself in Self energy—calm, clarity, compassion, connection. Even a few deep breaths can help bring this forth.
Decide with care – Remember that decisions are rarely permanent; parts that feel anxious can be reassured that adjustments can always be made.
Decision making is less about “getting it right” and more about staying connected to yourself in the process. When we slow down and hear from each part with compassion, we make choices that honor the full complexity of who we are.
IFS reminds us: clarity doesn’t come from silencing the noise—it comes from listening deeply and letting Self lead.
If you want help tapping into your many parts, reach out to schedule your free consultation today.
